Ill be starting my exams soon. And then be done in slightly more than a months time. Im still on my daily routine of studying, cause I know this is it. This is the final round. And Im going to work hard to do great.

I feel almost on cloud nine.

Sure, i might have been home late for the past few days and missed my computer much, but i feel absolutely wonderful.

Perhaps it was because i had a nostalgic rush of Para Para Paradise and Dance Dance Revoltuion(DDR) in the arcade today, or that yesterday i attended the deviant meet. I believe its both, but more of the latter.

School ended at 3.45pm that day, and the meet was at four. I rushed from school, clearly, and looked ridiculous in my own country. After all, some girl in a school uniform from the East side came to the Central Business District and went around asking where the Merlion was. Hey. I know. Im stupid when it comes to getting around. Ive been dragged around through my whole life when Im out, courtesy of my sister, cousins and friends. It would have been a disgrace if i did not reach there.

I did, thankfully. I believe i got there within a shorter period of time than my own friends who went earlier did. Hahas. I was hungry, sweaty, thirsty and really, really tired. Nevertheless, I was happy to see the whole lot of deviants there.

So i couldnt really hear what $Spyed was really talking about. I was far behind him (and sound travels straight, doesnt U-turn to reach my pathetic little ears), and i missed much about what he said about deviantart. Who cares? I had a jar of cookies in my hands, and i took one bite of a cookie.

And the first of my friend came to me, asking for a cookie. I offered my friends of course, and some deviants at random. I baked the cookies the day before for the sole purpose of this meet. In fact, there was even this one girl who posted this tag on my cookie jar;
DARK SIDE HAZ COOKIEZ

I got to offer loads of other people, dont worry. Met some people, strange, peculiar, tall, slim, beautiful, ugly(oops!) and whatever. There was this guy going around giving random hugs. Hahas. I think my junior friend kind of fell in love with the gay boy. SHH!!

Oh well, I didnt get to stay long. I still had school the next day, and my mother doesnt really know i went all the way over there. OOPS. We got a little lost during our way back home, cause there were some disagreements about how to get home. I clearly remembered the way though. After that whole embarrassing 'ask around for directions thing', i knew where to go.

Despte the ache in my back and legs-Or maybe just about all around my body, Im happy I got to go. Wouldnt miss the next deviant meet.

I dont think i should make this too long, but i cant help it. Once i type/write, i dont like to stop until im fresh out of ideas. But this is a journal entry. I cant be fresh out of ideas. hahas.

DDR AND Para Para!!! Holy that nostalgic feeling came around when i was sitting and watching my school's dance club perform. They werent too bad. Just that they kind of needed more emotion in their dance. So i invited my friend to the arcade with that urge to move around too.

We had so much fun. I cant tell you how i missed my two loveable machines in the arcade. I havent been there in ages. I used to go there nearly every week when i was 14(now going on 16). Hah! I got a little rusty, but still not bad. It reminded me of how i had a life besides physics and writing.

And i want my life back. I WANT MY LIFE BACK. I want to draw, to play, to dance everyday and to type my dearest story, which at the moment im having a writers block, so its on hold. But i suppose, when you have O levels, you cant have your life. Sighs, but fine. I just cant have a life with triple science, can I? Thus, Im forced to be dead on deviantart first.

Ill put everything i love on hold for my exams, just make sure i get good results afterwards. My first serious paper is a week away. Wish me luck.

I just created facebook. Yup, Im that late to create it.

I still have that hunch im going to regret it. Oh well. Anyone has a facebook?

My exams are coming. And im still here, messing about with my story, trying to edit the first book and type the second one. Darn me. Better start revising. Sighs.

Fine. so i broke my promise to not wirte until my (major) exams are over. But i cant help it. i get so bored sometimes... and im not at home... so i (usually) only have my diary. and when i have a pen and paper... i start writing.

so besides the fact of boredom, i was drived to write it too. Reading books are inspirational.

Sighs. Im not doing that well in my studies either. shouldnt write. shouldnt play. shouldnt do anything but study. which is bad. ive always prevented myself from doing anything that might harm me.

oh well. hahas. scratch that. im not making such a promise. ill go back to writing for now. but i still stick to my words that i wont put it up here until after my major exams (in october?)

I knew there would be a time where this would eventually come.

The environment-Earth-What does it mean to me? It means so much. It is, along with my family and God(though God comes first), the only things i love in the world.

Yet, the debate motion came out and it was against my own love-my own principles. "This house would make environmental protection a condition for receiving developmental aid."

How the hell do i rebutt that? It is AGAINST my own moral values. I love the Earth too much. Beautiful man-made buildings, fountains and lights might make me dazzled, but its the mountains, waterfalls and the blue sky that will take my breath away. I guess im one of the few that truly loves Earth for Earth and for its natural beauty.

When i took a walk down to school, I saw many buildings. And that was just within my country. Imagine the amount of resources Earth had to provide us with the countless high-rise buildings? So much as when i imagine relaxing, i didnt picture the computer or PSP. I pictured a waterfall, a river with a beautiful moon and green grass that never fails to make me cry with awe when i think of it. However, somewhere in the back of my mind, that picture starts to waver. Its no more. (Technically, this is why i set my story in a small town. With lots of nice sceneries. Cause id so much want it-To live there.)

And the pictures gone, only to be replaced by fake grass and "underwater worlds" that is barely a fifth of what the original was. I appreciate the Earth too much, for what it has given us and for what it is; a beautiful blue planet in the hands of destruction.

I guess some people just have no sense of gratitude or had never seen the Earth's beauty. I pity them partly.

So bearing all these in mind, am i still supposed to say that we shouldnt put environmental protection as one of the top priorities? Earth has no doubtedly housed humanity for many generations. And if we were to destroy it, who will house us then? (Thats not my only concern. I love the birds and the grass and the trees and the water too.)

Being one of the only things i love, Earth means a lot to me. It means almost the world. Well, it is the world-hahas but you get my drift. I cant do a job and convince others about something i cant convince myself.

Oh yes, sure, emotions-Theyre bound to get the better of people. But if i were to do this right, id have to convince myself that Earth doesnt matter as much as humans(which i BEG to differ.) and when i do convince myself that, itll be as good as letting Earth go. I cant pretend im convinced. When i say something id buy half the things im saying, which, in other words, means that i truly believe in what im saying. And i cant let go of Earth. If i do let go of it, id be so much losing half of me. Ive lived my life loving Earth and i will NOT let it go because of something that im obliged to. Call me some clingy girl, but i cant afford to let it go. Earths one of the only things i love. If i do let it go, whatll make me human then? What will give me the sweet taste of love that makes us all what we are-humans? What will provide me with that passion in life, that drive of fully believing in something? If i let Earth go, id be as good as a robot, with no opinions about anything. Earth is the one thing i have an opinion of.

But sighs. Maybe it isnt the fact about Earth that keeps me so much from doing this debate. Maybe it is the fact that i still hate speaking in front of people, to rebutt against people and to have to think on the spot. I like taking my own time. But debate doesnt permit that. I dont have the luxury of time when sitting in that hot spot.

So what am i to believe in? Im here, at home, trying so hard to resolve the internal conflict that never stops. Which is the right path-To go with the one that you love, or to go with what is assigned to you? I dont have many loves, so this has never been much of a problem for me. But when it comes to dear darling Earth, it becomes sticky and messy. This is why Earth is a touchy subject to me. Its something i strongly stand for.

With this, i end the entry. Music and time has calmed me down, so this entry isnt as emotional as it might have been-wouldnt want you to read it like that anyway. its HORRIBLE when i let go of such emotions. Even so, the conflict still occurs within me.